We have snow in our garden, but more importantly we have moles. Moles that are screwing up the lawn. Moles that wait until your back is turned and then pummel the turf. Moles that text me whenever they spew dirt into the yard with a simple "Up yours householder".
And that's just not on. I know that it should be expected, what with it being a garden in a rural area, but the mole is threatening to cause structural damage, to water pipes and drains and all sorts. Little bastard.
So I have contacted The Guild of British Molecatchers, mainly because there is such a thing, and because they know how to deal with these little characters. They have put me in touch with my local catcher and once the snow and ice have thawed, Steve (the molecatcher) and I will be out there, reaping the whirlwind, in a way that only molecatchers can.